Remember when you fell as a toddler and you heard your mom or dad say: “You’re OK. Get up. You’ll be fine.”
So, you did.
You may have been bruised or bloodied, but you had places to go and things to explore, so you picked yourself up and went on down the path of life, blood drips and all.
Yet, occasionally, the reaction was panic. The face of your mom and the tone of her voice told you to be concerned. Tears welled up in your eyes, as you felt pain, caution and fear.
Fast forward in your life to now. YOU now are the voice of the mom. YOU now are the only one who reacts to your own stumblings. What message do you send to yourself when you fail or make a mistake? Are you quick with a “Get up, you’re ok” or are you more likely to think (or say) “Ouch, that hurt. I need to be more careful.” Or worse, do you say things like “I’m a loser” or “I always do stupid things like that.”
Well, what sounds like child’s play really makes a difference in our adult life in determining our ability to deal with challenges.
How do you SPIN the story?
When no one else is around to assess the situation for you, do you inspire yourself to move on or do you create within yourself a halo of uncertainty and doubt?
Your explanation of failures and mistakes in your life is the determining factor in your resilience and security and willingness to try again. This is also called your “mental toughness.”
Let’s see how well you pass the mental toughness test by assessing how you assess failure as to:
1. it’s PERMANENCE in your life
2. it’s PERVASIVENESS in your life
3. how much you PERSONALIZE it to your life
Let me explain:
• The concept of PERMANENCE addresses if the failure is perceived as temporary or if it’s repeated and predicted. Do you say things like: “I messed up on this one, but I can do better next time?” Or “Ugh! I always make that same mistake!”
This type of perception of permanence harms your ability to move on and try again. Giving a setback PERMANENCE causes us to doubt our future capabilities.
• PERVASIVENESS reflects how large the error or setback is in light of a larger event. Do you focus on the small setback while missing a larger accomplishment? If so, you let a setback PERVADE your life more than it may deserve. We need to hold back from globalizing the problem.
• PERSONALIZATION of a setback involves connecting it to your self-esteem and how you perceive yourself as a person. Setbacks are setbacks but not a part of your identity, until you label them as such. You are not a “loser” if you lose. You are still a quality person who has high character and works very hard, despite the fact that you didn’t make the sale or win the match. If we consider ourselves losers, we are panicking at the skinned knees of life and not getting up and moving on to the next opportunity.
Reflect upon your own private voice when adversity or struggle come your way or when you lose the deal or lose the game.
Your level of resilience to get up and tackle the next challenges of life with the abandon you had as a curious toddler will depend on how you do with the 3 P’s: