I read in a sports magazine the following quote today:
“DON’T think of your child’s sports involvement as an investment for which you should expect a return.”
Well, I, wholeheartedly, DISAGREE.
Yes, from a monetary standpoint, you may or may not return your full investment. But if you could “buy” your child the labels of “hardworker” “disciplined” “honest competitor” “resilient under pressure” “grateful” and “trustworthy”, wouldn’t you do it?
Through sports, you CAN buy those labels OR your behavior and attitude can nourish all the negative qualities that sports can create, such as low self-esteem, fragile confidence, a large ego and a critical inner voice. The way you parent your child can help build a champion or create an environment of anxiety and fear of failure that often ensures that NONE of the positive traits is a label your child owns when they reach adulthood.
Are you a parent who:
• Yells at officials?
• Makes excuses for outcomes?
• Accepts disrespectful talk from your child after a loss?
• Allows your child to call her opponent nasty names?
• Calls the opponent by negative adjectives yourself? (“cheater”, “pusher”, “bully”, “head case”)
• Interferes with the coaches and second guesses their advice?
• Lets your child blame you for a loss?
• Looks for a coach with a win-at-all-cost attitude?
YES, we SHOULD expect a return from our children’s sports. We should expect:
• Respect
• Resilience
• Hard work
• Problem solving skills
• Strong character
• Trust in selves and others
• Growth in self confidence
• Gratitude
• Discipline
• Positivity
• Etc. Etc.
We, as parents, miss the point of sport entirely if we miss the opportunity for our child to learn these things.
Winning does NOT automatically create respectful athletes. Being reminded of the need to shake the hands of opponents after a loss does, as well as thanking the tournament director before leaving the site or offering praise for an opponent’s game before answering questions to the press.
That’s respect.
As a parent:
Are you telling your friends about the unfair judging your child received at the meet (blaming)?
Are you telling your friends that your child slept over at a friend’s house and was, therefore, probably tired (excuse making)?
Are you allowing your child to skip consolation play (poor sportsmanship/quitting)?
Are you calmly watching without critical words or body language?
Well, your child is listening and learning from you as to what you find acceptable, as they also feel the effects of the pressure and atmosphere you create. Is that atmosphere treating a loss like a disease or a growth opportunity?
How we parent our children can reinforce the good character and life skills that sports can provide children, but only if we encourage AND REQUIRE it – of them and of ourselves.
Listen to yourself.
Watch yourself.
Are you making the right investments?