“Do something everyday that you don’t want to do;

this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your

duty without pain.”

—Mark Twain

“How do I make myself do the things I don’t want to do.”—This is a universal quandary voiced by many as they fight through the challenges of life.

My niece, exasperated, asked that question this very evening. Then she unknowingly went about providing the obvious answer to her own question. It was as if she was presenting a mini-seminar on the secret to perseverance.

I watched her as she lovingly took care of her newborn son. She gently changed his diaper, she tenderly fed him, and she dotingly cuddled him as he fell into that innocent baby slumber. Then through her attempt at night’s sleep, over and over, she dutifully awoke to his cry, adoringly fed him and changed him. She slept in short burst, each stolen nap abbreviated by an infant’s call for his mother.

No sleep, no rest, no time. Does that sound like something anyone wants to do? Yet, this young mother takes care of her precious treasure and will diligently do so for days, weeks, months, even years on end. How? How do you give all your time and effort to another? How do you suffer through lack of sleep, absence of personal time, and almost dissolve into a place of total sacrifice?

The answer is easy. You truly care. When what you value is front and center—then, you can make yourself do about anything…suffer any consequence…exert herculean efforts, look beyond the present…reach through all those things you “don’t want to do” for your dreams and aspirations. Just like the love of a child and that child’s future and comfort allows a parent to bear any burden.

We do the things we don’t want to do so we can do the thing we want to do—want to see—want to experience—want to accomplish. We just need to understand and connect the dots.

In every moment we need to know that what we are spending our time on is productive to supporting our personal values and goals. An athlete trains to enhance her performance. A student studies to learn and extend knowledge. A worker toils to care for his family. A homeowner paints her house to preserve a welcoming habitat. The most mindless things like brushing your teeth are even connected to a value such as  health or appearance. Each action, each burden you don’t want to do, but do, gets its energy and is completed through a connection to purpose and a personal value system. Making the connection, instant by instant, between your action and your values…that’s where you summons the energy and drive to do the things “you don’t want to do”.

Often it involves sacrificing the pleasure and thrill of the moment for what matters most in life. Therefore, it is understanding what you value, what matters most to you—that gives you the power and discipline. Make the connection!

In the book, The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, the story of Christopher Reeve describes the tragic end of an acting career replaced by quadriplegia following a wretched horseback riding accident. Where would Reeve get the drive to go on to live a life he did not want or expect?  The devastation was so total, Reeve said he contemplated suicide.  Instead, he prevailed. As the story was relayed,

“…within a short time, Reeve managed to tap into a fierce source of spiritual energy—the desire to continue to be there for family, to find a cure for his condition and to continue to make a contribution in the world—not least by serving as an inspiration to others in his situation. The fierce sense of purpose helped Reeve to mobilize hope and optimism and to move forward with focus and clarity…”

Just like the young mother connected to her purpose and value of raising and protecting her son, Christopher Reeve gained the power to persevere and go through all the rehabilitative struggles he faced  because of his value of family and need to make a contribution to the world.  Even taking a breath was a chore but Reeve spent the rest of his life doing the things he did not want to do so he could achieve the things he wanted his life to stand for.  He kept those values and that purpose front and center as each challenge attempted to take his life.

Understanding what you care about, being able to verbalize your values…this puts you in the place where energy finds its source, pushing you to do most any task. Even those things you don’t want to do.  The good news is that this energy source can be developed. You have the capacity to live by your deepest values with a clear sense of direction.

Your values are personal and are understood as anything that is important to your personal journey—your reason to exist; your intention; your resolution; your determination; your aim; your relevancy; your cause; your belief; your driving motivation.

Values small or big—to get in shape, learn to play a musical instrument, make a career change, start a journal, develop public speaking skills, become a volunteer, live a life of faith, become a doctor, feed the hungry, create art, engineer possibilities…it must be important and valued enough that you can verbalize and set goals to succeed in its accomplishment. Embracing your values and purpose is what provides a daily justification to your actions and motivation, taking you from potential to kinetic activity. Your commitment knows no bounds and gives you a dynamic force of strength, power and direction.

Determining your values and purpose brings focus and the ability to overcome distractions.  It strengthens you to be able to sacrifice the immediate pleasure and thrill for what matters most in life.  It assures you are not a slave to mood or appetite. It drives you to embrace and succeed in the long-term.  It puts you in the mindset that there are seven days in the week and someday isn’t one of them. You can tap into your compelling sense of purpose….fueling passion, perseverance and commitment.

Next time you are faced with something you don’t want to do, like crawling out of that nice cozy bed in the morning, focus on those things that are important to you, those things that you truly value and care about deeply.

Don’t expect to wake up with a wave of motivation hitting you. Focus on practicing the right habits. Think about the limit of time on your potential. Think about what can be done and accomplished. Think about your goals, rather than focusing on how you feel.  It will be like a fuse burning towards dynamite. You’ll start to feel the power, the energy and the strength. You’ll find yourself leaping from the bed (maybe not leaping but at least you’ll get up), forging full speed ahead…and possibly doing some things you don’t want to do, but knowing they are necessary to take you where you want to go, who you want to be, and what you want to do.

It’s hard until it becomes easy—but you’ll do something today that your future self will thank you for.

“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state, but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task.”

—Viktor Frankl